Why do I?

You know, God has His perfect timing for everything. So why do I worry about what's going to happen? I don't know what He's going to do as far as school payments go. Buying books. Art supplies. The works. But then it gets to even more serious stuff. What about where I'm going to work after graduation? Living expenses? House or aparment? Car or bike? What about dating? Should I date? or not? Stay single? Adopt kids?
So some of you may think I'm a little wacky in the head right now. Rightfully so. I did just get off of school...sounds like an addiction or something. But, seriously, I've had these kinds of things running through my head...and rightfully so! God puts desires for certain things in life in each person's heart. I have a desire to work in the cities, work with my current church, adopt a child, and perhaps, one day, get married! But my sense of timing is totally off. I think that my own timing is right. But it's not. I'm wanting to wait until after school, but He may have different plans. And you know? I'm peachy with that. As long as I'm in God's will, I'm okay with anything He has for me....
But I always fall! Whenever I think I'm doing ok, I'm really just kidding myself. And I have to stop and say, "Ok, so who's really driving?" Something like that...I am so thankful that God is the author of patience! Because, where I'm concerned, He's gonna need a lot when it comes to working with me!
So, I'm posting this song. It may seem a little off subject to you, but I think it applies in the long run, to where I'm at.

Made to Worship

You and I were made to worship,
You and I are called to love,
You and I are forgiven and free.
When you and I embrace surrender,
You and I choose to believe,
You and I will see how we were meant to be

Before the day
Before the light
Before the world revolved around the sun;
God on high stepped out into time and
wrote the story of his love for everyone.
He has filled our hearts with wonder,
so that we will always remember—

You and I were made to worship,
You and I are called to love,
You and I are forgiven and free.
When you and I embrace surrender,
You and I choose to believe,
You and I will see how we were meant to be

All we are and all we have is all a gift from God we see
Brought to life,
We open up our lives,
To see the majesty and glory of the King.
He has filled our hearts with wonder,
so that we will always remember—

You and I were made to worship,
You and I are called to love,
You and I are forgiven and free.
When you and I embrace surrender,
You and I choose to believe,
You and I will see how we were meant to be…

You and I

Words and Music by Chris Tomlin

So it may take me a little time before I reach those goals, but I know that that's not the sole purpose of why I'm here. I was made to worship God! And I want to surrender every goal and desire I have for His purpose. Please pray for me as I push for that goal....

You have my heart
And I am yours forever
You are my strength
God of grace and power

And everything
You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand
Praise You, God of earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love
And You never change, God, You remain
The Holy One and my unfailing love
Unfailing love

You are my rock
The One I hold on to
You are my song
And I sing for You

And everything
You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand
Praise You, God of earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love
And You never change, God, You remain
The Holy One and my unfailing love
Unfailing love

~~~~~~~~~~~

This song by Chris Tomlin is a reminder of how great and wonderful God is. This morning I had my Scientific Thought final. I was dreading it. Not because I didn't like the class, mind you. But because I wasn't doing well in the class (It went a lot better than I thought it might). But as I think back to the final, to the class itself, I am reminded at how awesome God is. He created the world and everything in it. Birds, animals, sea, land, sky - everything was created by Him and for a purpose.

Then He created me. Man. Woman. Why? Because He wanted someone He could fellowship with. Someone that could worship and praise Him. He loves us and wants us to love Him back. He shows us His love through Creation. Through providing what we need. Through salvation. There are so many ways He shows us love, and yet, how much does it take for us to show our love to Him? A lot more than we're willing to give. He gave us so much. He did so much for us. He could be doing anything else right now, but He chooses to listen and answer our prayers. He chooses to give us things we need - and don't need. He is amazing!! It's so hard to describe it...

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son [to be] the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. I John 4:9-11

Ultimate love. Unfailing love. God's love.

Awesome.

Ok, so how do I start? So I've been having some...issues...lately. Not a surprise. Just the fact that everything seems to happen at once is what really irks me. But I've learned to adjust and take things as they come. God doesn't give me anything that I can't handle ~ it's just how I choose to handle it that makes it harder than it really is. So I sometimes tend to do that: make things harder than they are. For example, my final sketch today was really getting on my nerves. I'm doing this four-person portrait of my sisters and I. I'm seriously considering starting over completely and pulling myself out of the picture. It doesn't help any that I'm doing a sketch of those that I know and love the most here on earth.

And it really doesn't help that I'm a picky perfectionist. Every single detail needs to be so perfect or it's out the window! But as I take a break from this final sketch and breathe...I find that I can't be perfect. I can strive for perfection, but I'll never actually make it.

In light of this fact, I will not give up in defeat and throw down my pencil. I will not do a slop job on the final and be satisfied with a preliminary sketch.

I will do my best. God expects me to do my best, and I will. Whether or not I achieve that is up to Him. But right now, I will do as He wants me to and do it until He wants me to be done. Because I'm such a perfectionist, I will strive for perfection until there is no more....Then I will be satisfied because I know I've done my very best for Him.

"Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5:48, NASB

Father, help me to be as You want me to be and nothing else. Help me to strive for that perfection that only You can possess. Help me not get discouraged at that, but to only want to be more like You. Please help me to be faithful to this goal and to always strive for perfection.
Amen.

And amen.

You know you have issues if....


Your e-mail bulk folder has more messages than your inbox.

You can't remember your friends' last name (and she lives right on campus).

You leave your key in your dorm room door and expect to find everything just as you left it....(yeah)

You set your alarm to get up in time for a test, but overslept and missed it...

You can't remember anything else you have issues with...

25 questions that will actually tell you something about me...
1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone's eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

When I am telling them.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY happy. WHY were you happy?

I've been really happy since God has been working in my life. He gave me a summer job that was unbelievable, a job during school that has taught me so much and caused me to grow in both my relationship with Him and with others, and a desire to grow in my daily walk with Him.

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call?

My parents

4. You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.

(1) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?

I'd tell those closest to me, and if the opportunity came up, share it with someone who is unsaved as an opportunity to witness.

(2) What do you do with your remaining days?

Live normally. Spend more time getting to know people and building friendships/relationships. Grab at more chances to witness. Take a road trip with a friend.

(3) Would you be afraid?

Sure! I've never faced death before. But I trust God with my life and hopefully, it would pass.

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love. Which do you choose?

Trust is the groundwork for love. We can't love someone and not trust them. We can't help but love someone we trust. I can't not trust God without also loving Him....and vice versa.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you save the dog?

Is a job more important than the life of any creature, human or animal?

7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not?

I hope that I will never be unfaithful. God help me, I won't. But if the situation ever occurs, and I find that I am unfaithful, may God grant me the wisdom and ability to tell that person. If the same happened with the other person, then I would want to know about it.

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more then just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say?

I can't really say. It would probably surprise me, but at the same time, if that guy is my best friend, there is all the more reason to have a deeper relationship. Not that I'm saying it will happen. Most of my best friends are girls. But I do have great relationships with several guys.

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you give up the year?

In order to get Ben back? Definitely

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

I'm not sure. If I could get along with the crazy type like that, then probably.

11. Does love = sex?

Definitely not.

12. Can you be happy in a relationship and never truly know what the other person is thinking?

How? That can't be possible. If a person can truly be happy in that kind of situation, then something's got to be wrong.

13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? What did you have to tell the person?

Felt about him?

A long time ago, but it was some schoolgirl crush.

About a behavior or such?

Tonight. But it wasn't difficult, just coming to an agreement.

14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back?

I don't think I've ever told a friend that I don’t love them back.

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

All of my friendships and the ministry opportunities at my church.

16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?

Just for the record, I've never had a "romantic love", and probably my parents and sisters when I left Kansas City.

18. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?

I really don't know for sure.

19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?

I would give anyone CPR if they were dying! (I'm certified!!)

21. You are holding onto your grandmothers hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death?

Hopefully I wouldn't have to come to this kind of situation (probably not anyone falling off a cliff, since I live nowhere near). Knowing that my grandmas are both saved and that they would be ready to meet their Lord, I would hang on to the newborn, because they would get a chance to live and experience life and maybe one day come to Christ and grow in Him.

22. Are you old fashioned?

Not in every sense. Perhaps in romantic relationships.

23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?

I can't honestly say. Not that I haven't, I just can't think....

24. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?

True love. Never having the opportunity to love someone like that would be difficult. Broken hearts can heal in time.

25. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?

I would love to finish school early and find an inner city ministry that I can work in (or just stay on with the one I'm at), and meet that one person I haven't...officially....